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30 Honest Facebook Relationship Statuses

May 31, 2014

1) Looking for Someone To Be the Other Half of My Couples Halloween Costume

2) Looking for Someone To Fix Everything I Break (Sinks, Cars, Laws, etc.)

3) Looking for Someone, Literally Anyone, So My Parents Will Stop Questioning My Relationship Status and/or Sexual Orientation

4) Looking for Someone To Feed Me Compliments (Or At Least Chinese Food)

5) Looking for Someone To Take Sickeningly Cute Photobooth Selfies With

6) Looking for A Chauffeur A Car Lover

7) Looking for Someone To Shatter My Future Cat Lady Fears

8) Looking for a Platonic Cuddle Buddy

9) Looking for Someone to Spoil Me

10) Looking for Someone to Spoil

11) Looking for An Exotic Prince

12) Looking for Someone Who Would Make Cute Babies

13) Looking for Someone Who May Get Famous

14) Looking for a Cat

15) Looking for Someone to Drag to Boring Events

16) Looking for Channing Tatum’s Abs

17) In a Relationship with a Guy I Made Out with Who Got Clingy and Decided He Wanted Something More

18) In a Relationship Until the End of the Summer

19) In a Relationship Until I Start College

20) In a Relationship Until Leonardo Dicaprio Returns My Calls

21) In a Relationship for the Sake of Not Being Alone

22) In a Relationship with My Body Pillow

23) In a Relationship With Someone Mediocre Because Why Not?

24) Single (But Ready to Mingle)

25) Single Unless Approached By Creepy Guys In Clubs

26) Single (But Secretly Dating a Russian Model My Parents Would Disapprove Of)

27) Single and Pretending I’m Okay with It Because I’m a “Strong, Independent Woman Who Don’t Need No Man”

28) Single Until My Ex Comes Running Back

29) Single But Open to Booty Calls

30) Hopeless and Awkward and Desperate for Love!


3 Comments leave one →
  1. kevin permalink
    June 10, 2014 5:42 pm

    Regarding your “invented simpson’s words” article. You forgot “sacralicious.” forbidden doughnut tree house of horror episode…needs to be mentioned

    • August 17, 2014 10:00 am

      Ohhh that’s a good one! I think I could have a whole piece using words taken entirely from House of Horror episodes. They seemed to make up a lot in those episodes.

  2. November 12, 2014 9:16 pm

    Pretty much. Yes.

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